I Don't Know

They say that's just life —
the world not going the way I wish,
but my greed won't let me accept that natural order.

An ordinary comfort — that's my dream.
If I'm allowed a little indulgence,
along a quiet sandy path
where I can hear the sound of the sea,
with not a single worry,
I want to walk in peace.

I don't know.
I just love the sea.
I love the sound of a stream flowing through a valley too,
but the waves always seem to lift one layer of worry away.

I need nothing else — as if I didn't even exist,
I just want to listen to the sound of the waves.

But where am I standing right now?
In this place I don't even recognize,
barely holding up
this world I cannot bear —
it's so heavy.
Is life
like Atlas's sky?

"Come to me, all who are weary and carry heavy loads" —
wasn't that what You said?
I don't know how to set it down.
Maybe this too — my doubt —
is a cross I must bear?

I don't know.
Where am I really standing right now?
Between desire and reality,
caught in that gap, this struggle —
I just want it to end.

I'm just an ordinary, small person...
no matter how much I think it over,
I only end up sketching some sad little self-portrait,
and I still can't find the way.

Is it that I haven't tried hard enough?
Or is this simply where I belong?
Or is it just the whining
of a still-immature child?